Labor day weekend 2011...

I was gearing up for my very last IVF cycle. Now, we are home study approved and waiting for our wee one to find us. It's so hard for me to believe that year has passed. We've come so far but it still feels like it will be eons before we become parents.

I know, it has only been 3 months since we were approved and so many of my friends who have adopted have waited waaaaayyyyy beyond that for news. I didn't expect it to be so difficult. I felt like once we finished our paperwork and interviews that I would feel a giant sense of relief. I did but that only lasted for about 2.5 weeks.

I'm having such anxiety. On the one hand, I am happy for a little extra time to save some money and get rid of the last bit of debt. I have been able to organize like never before-I even finally made my binders with all our accounts and passwords,etc. My recipes are organized and all of my closets and the pantry and even the stockpile in the basement have been purged and rearranged for maximum efficiency. It's just so hard not knowing ANYTHING. I didn't think it would affect me like this. Are we going to get a call that tells us we have 5 months to wait or are we going to get that call that tells us to drop everything and hop in the car to come pick up our baby? Obviously I am a planner and my world has turned upside down. IVF was tough but this is definitely a new level of torture for me. Are we going to know who the birth father is? Will we have to wait while the birth mother makes up her mind? Will there be health issues? Will the birth mother want to meet us? Those are just a few of the questions plaguing me right now.

I know....when we finally meet our baby I'll forget about all this. I'm ready to move on, though. Looking forward to a whole new set of anxiety inducing circumstances.