I am a planner. Part of my problem in life is that I have expectations for how everything should be. I know this yet I cannot stop. I take pride in my organizational skills and I don't like to be caught off guard. I have been like this since I was a child. I always had very organized Barbie carrying cases and a toy box. Everyone knows this is my thing. I even set my MIL up with my binder system. She now has a binder with tabs for grocery lists, week-at-a-glance, to do lists and party planning lists (among others) just like mine. (Wow, I really got off track-sorry) H loves this about me. I run a tight ship and make his life pretty damn easy and clean because of it. So, when I approached H about checking out a big baby sale at a local furniture store, I didn't expect a fight.
It seems like everything turns into a fight lately. We had a good run while we were preparing for the adoption and finishing all the paperwork and interviews. It felt so good to be done with all of the fertility treatments and focusing on something else. Now, we are waiting again and it almost feels like it will not ever happen. I want to talk about it to keep the dream a live,so to speak but H is not having any of that.
It took a fight for me to get it out of him but he is superstitious and he is afraid to buy anything and jinx ourselves. I get it. When I was pg, I never bought one single baby thing. The only thing I did was buy a few maternity outfits at 10 weeks because my clothes stopped fitting. (Thank you follistim.) He remembers the heartbreak of my trip to the store to return those maternity clothes. To this day I remember each outfit and get a little sad because I looked so cute :( He felt so bad for me in addition to the pain he was feeling and he is afraid that if we buy a bunch of baby gear that it won't happen. I understand but I think he is taking it a bit far. I know, I can't judge someone else's level of superstition any more than I can judge someone else's mph over the speed limit. "No one should be going any faster, 10 miles over is fast enough" said a woman I know. (Seriously, if you are only going to go 10 m over the speed limit you need to stay out of the left lane.) Anyway, in the end he agreed to look at stuff but not buy anything until we hear something. I won't bore you with the he said/she said of it but we were able to compromise as usual....and that is a good thing.
The tough part about adoption is that you don't have a finite time limit. The agency could call tomorrow and tell us we have 6 months before the BM is due or they could call and tell us to pack a bag and come pick up our baby. It's any one's guess.
So, I have a wish list on amazon and a baby names list that H knows nothing about. I'll do my research on the fly and talk to anyone who will listen about baby gear and baby names and I'll take all the tips I can from my mom friends. I just won't tell H. We are not on the same page about this and I don't want there to be any more friction. I'm picking my battles. When we get a call and we only have 1 day to prepare I will definitely say "I told you so". I just know that is how it will happen since we are not prepared.