Calm breeze 3 column

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

I hate phone tag

Especially when I am feeling needy. I can't help but think these people are way too busy if they cannot even be reached by phone. I guess don't blame them....I know what it is like to be short staffed and scrambling. (Thanks to an old lady in my department who makes constant mistakes yet refuses to retire and has more vacation time than days in the year.) I do however blame them for their communication (or lack thereof.) Well, I am not going to sit by and let them avoid me or my concerns any longer. I am going to start to get some answers. I am going to ask for a monthly account of who was placed and if and why our profile was not shown.

No one from the agency returned my call yesterday but I did hear from my (former?) CW this morning. I was at work and she left me a message while I was on a business call. I called her back 2 more times and she was not available. I guess I'll be getting my call on Thursday.

The longer this goes on, the more annoyed I am getting. I guess I should take this time to write down what it is I want and outline what I need to say. The problem is, every time I do I get so angry and anxious that I can't think straight. I hope I don't lose my cool. The last thing I want to do is stress out an overworked staff member. Rock....hard in the middle.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Buyers remorse

This is the 1st time in this process that I am second guessing our decision about the agency we chose. Sure we have had a few administrative snafus along the way but everything seemed to be addressed fairly quickly. As I have said before, you run into these types of issues with most businesses you deal with.

What I am pissed about is the fact that I heard from someone I don't know, on a public message board that a pivotal member of the staff (an adoptive parent caseworker) left employment. It was nothing dramatic, the individual had personal issues and had to leave her job. My problem with the situation is the fact that we were never notified. She was not my case worker but I have a feeling it will have an effect on how things are managed.

Two weeks ago a woman I don't know called me "just to check in" and see how I am doing. The message she left on my home phone (not the primary phone # the agency has on file....that would be my cell which is with me at all times except in the bathroom) said that I could call if I had any questions. Well, I didn't know her and there was no sense of urgency in her message so I thought I would wait and catch up with my Caseworker after the holiday. Then, on Thanksgiving weekend, I heard about the staff reduction. I immediately posted on the agency message board and got a really snotty response from the owner about how the person left for personal reasons and that the agency had it under control and how they are probably overstaffed now because everyone was pitching in.

I've run businesses before and honestly, that is just bad management. You don't wait for the shit to hit the fan and then try to back pedal and make it seem like you have everything under control. The way to make your clients feel reassured and respected is to be proactive and tell people that you have a plan.

I called the agency today to check in and see what the hell is going on and I was told that the woman who called me won't be in until Thursday because she works part time and my Case Worker was with other clients and could not speak to me.  I very calmly told the poor girl who answered the phone that I was very disturbed about the fact that I was never notified about any staffing changes and that I feel like the reason our profile has not been shown yet (in 6 months!) is because of the staffing issues they are having. I told her I felt like we slipped through the cracks. She tried to assure me that wasn't the case and I was told to expect a call back tomorrow or Thursday. WTF?

H wants to call tomorrow and yell at them for the unprofessional treatment but I am afraid that will make them retaliate and never show our profile. I am just not sure what to do at this point. I'm feeling really blue and for the first time I'm starting to feel like we just won't ever be parents.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Life imitates art....kind of.

I don't know why I insist on watching the most disturbing shows right before bed. (Besides the fact that is the time that they air....I mean I could DVR them and watch them later.)

If you are an adoptive mom/mom in waiting or even a birth mom or expectant mom, you must know that I am referring to Private Practice. It was seriously like a train wreck that I could not turn away from. So emotional, so poignant and so much a part of what I could be dealing with some day. It was bad enough when they dealt with infertiles who were going through IVF and losing their babies and freezing their eggs but now that H and I are right in the thick of the adoption process, they decide to switch gears and apply to us once again. ( H still thinks we are setting all kids of trends on TV but I tell him it's just that he never paid attention. For the past few years it has been all about IVF. Now, he thinks everyone is adopting.)

As much as the show rattled me, it also had some comforting parts. When/if you see it you will understand. Almost every day I wonder what kind of relationship we will have with our baby's birth mother. Will we be close? Will she want an open adoption? How will I set boundaries? It's all so scary and confusing and exciting at the same time. I have seen so many amazing examples of positive birth parent/adoptive parent relationships and as much as I want that, a part of me wants to be selfish and hope that the birth mother doesn't want to be involved. It all comes down to whatever is best for the child and I suppose there is just no way to tell until we are matched.
I won't spoil anything for you but I will say that they did a decent job of exposing all sides of the adoption triad. Some of the language was a bit old fashioned and I would probably correct people for using terms like "give up your baby" if I heard them say it in real life. But that's just it. People say offensive things to parents all the time. Too bad they weren't able to use the episode as a teaching moment. I'm sure they will get all kinds of mail from people touched by adoption.

Thanks to Private Practice (once again) I woke up with puffy,red eyes and extra tired. Pure torture.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Cause for celebration

Imagine being around for 90 years. Imagine still driving and doing it well, cooking for yourself, and meeting your friends at McDonald's for breakfast every morning. Imagine having the cleanest house on the planet and a perfectly manicured lawn that you tend to on your own. At 90 years old. That is my Grandmother.

Just knowing this woman has made me a better person. Her faith is unwavering....even when my Father fought in Vietnam she never questioned it. Her love for her family has inspired all of us and her ability to speak her mind and stand up for her convictions without hurting people is something I could only hope to emulate. Maybe someday.....maybe it comes with age. I have known her for nearly 1/2 her life and she has always been this way,though.

I hosted a birthday party for her over the weekend and I could not have been more honored. She was thrilled to be surrounded by her family and while it was a bit low key, that suits her perfectly. She called me to thank me after the party and she told me that she made a very special wish for H and I when she blew out the candles. She didn't want to tell me what the wish was but she told me that if I thought very hard I could probably figure it out.

I didn't have to think that hard at all. I know what my Gram's wish was. you can probably guess it,too.That is just like her.....spending her 90th birthday wish on someone else. For her sake and for my future child's sake, I sure hope that wish comes true sooner rather than later. I know that any child brought into this world would surely be a better person for knowing my Gram.

xoxo Gram

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Misdirected anger

I'll admit, I am a very emotional person. I cry over just about everything....happy, sad or tired....the tears can flow pretty freely. I'm not as quick with the anger though. At least I wasn't until recently. I'll give you some examples......

A few days before the Hurricane hit the east coast, a woman in my neighborhood was panicking about the fact that it might interfere with her family's Halloween plans. So much so that she felt the need to mass email the entire neighborhood with the suggestion that Halloween be postponed until the following Saturday. She didn't feel like her 3 year old and 8 month old would enjoy themselves if it was too windy and rainy. You heard me correctly and yes, I lost my shit when I got the email. Luckily I stopped myself before responding but I was annoyed for days. First of all....what does an 8 month old do with candy? And secondly, when we were kids we still went. Maybe our loot was a little light but we powered through. Not to mention the fact that the hurricane was over 2 days prior and upstate didn't get anything but a little wind. (Yes, we were very lucky this time). I bit my tongue but H heard a tirade.

I also got worked up about the NYC marathon not being cancelled. I don't even live there but I had such a strong opinion you would have thought I did. Thankfully, they did cancel it but it didn't matter to me. Just the thought of marathoners running through the streets past newly homeless people made my blood boil.

There's more but I have made myself look bad enough for now. I think I am just shocked that our profile still has not been shown. Sometimes, I feel like giving up.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Making a concentrated effort

I haven't posted much lately. The days just seem to be moving so fast (Thanksgiving in just 3 weeks?!) Yet, not fast enough for an Adoptive Mom in Waiting. LOL. I really have been trying to keep busy. My closets are beyond organized. My basement has been purged and is ready to start accumulating baby gear. I have been cooking and baking and reading and even coloring (I'm not ashamed) to pass the time. The one thing I can't seem to do is write.

I have some kind of mental block. Whenever I think of something I want to write about, it feels so I can't bear to discuss it because I will never stop.  My morning workouts exhaust me. Not necessarily because of the strenuous nature, but because my mind wanders and obsesses over when we will get "the call". Or any call, really. The agency still has not even shown our profile.

I always feel so much better when I pour it all out on paper (or screen). So, I am going to try really hard to stay focused. Also, at some point, I am sure I am going to want to remember this time and I am going to want to share how I felt with my child as part of his or her birth story. To quote my favorite "Trainer", Chalene Johnson (Turbofire,Chalean Extreme,etc) "You need to remember how you feel when you are done." That is what keeps you going....when you are done doing the work and you feel so good!