Calm breeze 3 column

Saturday, May 10, 2014

"Gotcha Day" recap

I am not even sure if we are correct in using the term "gotcha day"  but it seems to be a phrase that people understand. Maybe it's because they celebrate it on the show "Jessie" or maybe it is a word that is easy to remember. I know it is typically used to describe a foster situation but I do know some parents who have adopted newborns that refer to the day that the adoption in finalized as "gotcha day". My mom heard it from a friend and got super excited about the term and my Niece and Nephew are huge "Jessie" fans so adopting  the phrase to fit our situation just seems right.

It was a day of mixed emotions for me. Of course I am beyond thrilled to share our last name with our baby girl. I have been her mommy from the day I helped deliver her so it is kind of anticlimactic. Yet it feels wrong not to celebrate. It is certainly a milestone but I don't know if it feels right to distinguish the day the adoption was official from the day she was born. Also, the fact that another woman suffered a loss in order to make us parents does not escape me. I am sad for C. She posted on fb about going for a walk and feeling great because time heals everything and it made me a little sad.

The day itself seemed to reflect my feelings. It started out sunny and beautiful.  And then there were clouds and a few raindrops. The sun came out again.....bright as can be for a little while. Soon enough, the wind picked up and the sky was dark once again. On and on like that all day. It was a big topic of conversation amongst the people we came into contact with throughout the day.  The weather, not my comparison.

Speaking of people, G had quite the fan base at the courthouse. My parents wanted to there and our lawyer was there. Baby girl's court appointed Rep was not required to be there but asked us if she could attend so she could see G again because she was do cute and charming the 1st time they met :) even the super serious Policemen waving the metal detector wand up and down our bodies couldn't help but smile and get playful with her. Family court is not a very happy place from what I understand, so when smooth infant adoptions are on the docket it makes everyone happy.

It was so quick. We basically had to verify our signatures and confirm that we wanted to parent our girl. She was a little fussy in the courtroom (a very rare occurrence) so a part of me had to wonder if she felt like she sensed that the day was an end of something as well as a very happy beginning. I really hope that H and I can do justice to the miracle that is adoption when we speak about it to G. I don't ever want her to make feel like she was unwanted. I hope we can effectively communicate how blessed we all are to be a family without making her feel sad about her bm.

The judge was amazing...a man who has personal experience with adoption. He gsve our baby girl a (beany baby) seal in addition to his official seal and our lawyer presented her with a sweet toy elephant.  We all posed for pictures and the room was full of such joy and smiling faces. My mom had a special bell made with the date, G's name and the quote "Every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings". 15 minutes tops to represent the nearly 9 months we waited to be officially called G's mommy and daddy. Fine by me! We ran out of there.

We commemorated the day by grabbing lunch with my parents at a place called Johnny's where busboy girl had her 1st taste of chicken (with the carbonnara sauce licked off but she still got diarrhea the next day). Then in the evening my sisters and their families joined us for pizza and cake that said "Gotcha". I am not sure if we will celebrate every year but I know I will never forget this day. Nor the fact that it was 2 days before mother's day.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Just another day

My baby is sleeping. My almost 9 month old baby girl is asleep downstairs and I miss her. Her rosy, cherub like cheeks are so tempting. She is so fun. She is happy and she plays and she has such a fiery little personality.  I want to pick her up and kiss her and snuggle her but she does not like to be snuggled when she is sleepy anymore. She likes her space. God, what will it be like when she is a teenager?

These are my thoughts the night before we finalize. It is just like any other night. I go to bed smiling after I spend the last few minutes of my day watching her and giving thanks for her. But tomorrow, we visit the judge and make everything legal. The state will finally acknowledge what we knew in our hearts the moment we witnessed her 1st breath. It feels like I am not making it big enough, yet for H and I, nothing will change.

We will come home from the courthouse and have pizza and cake with family to celebrate but it will be a day like any other. We loved her before we met her and we fall in love with her more every day.

That is definitely something to celebrate.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Catch 22

I don't know how it is nearly April or how my baby girl will be 8 months old in a few weeks. I had every intention of blogging from the beginning. I wanted to remember every little milestone, every noise, every glance. I wanted to record everything so that I can relive it over and over.

Obviously, I am not doing that. Some days I feel really sad about that.  I am afraid that I have forgotten so many of the little things and that they will be lost like the days and hours that have passed. Sometimes a memory will pop into my head during the day. I will remember the little elephant noises she made in her sleep for the 1st few weeks and how I wondered if it was normal. Or how she used to want me to snuggle her to sleep instead of wiggling out of my arms so she can fall asleep alone.

On the other hand, I don't want to miss a single second because I am too busy writing about her. I take some time to jot down the things she does but I wish I took the time to write what I think about it all. Motherhood has been such an incredible gift and I want all of the joy to last and last.

G will be our only baby and I think I have done a pretty good job of living in the moment with her. I hope I always will....even if I remember a little less :) I guess that is what she will want to remember.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

baby's first cold

I've been dreading this day since my baby girl was born. Right from the beginning the nurses warned us about too much sneezing and keeping the baby away from too many people, especially germy kids.

I have been vigilant about keeping grubby little hands away from my baby's face and making sure no one but Mommy and Daddy (plus a few in the inner circle) give kisses. I carry hand sanitizer and clean off grocery carts in order to avoid germs. I wouldn't dream of bringing her to a drugstore and we haven't gone to church because people go to church when they are sick.... healthy be damned. H and I were both very sick at Christmas and we kept baby girl healthy by washing our hands constantly and putting a hold on all kisses (which was seriously harder than anything I've ever done.)

I knew it was coming. Especially since it is winter. H and I both work at places where everyone shows up sick and we have had a few visitors under the age of 10.

I was prepared with saline drops,  Boogie Wipes and infant Tylenol. It was horrible to see her sick but I kept my cool. (Very unlike me) I called my Pedi with my list of questions and a list of things I had already done. The nurse who spoke with me was impressed and surprised I was only a first time mom. I felt validated if not a little proud.

 It breaks my heart to see her suffer but my girl is a tough cookie. She still has smiles for mommy and daddy and her spirits are pretty good. She's still a little restless at night and has a bit of a cough but I think we did a pretty good job taking care of her and not freaking. she is on the mend but she still has a residual cough. We see the pedi in a few days for shots so they will evaluate her then.

 I haven't told you much about her yet but she is a really good baby. It's rare that she cries or fusses. People are always surprised when they spend time with her. She's very easy going and we are so lucky. I think God knew what He was doing when He sent her to us.

Friday, January 31, 2014

My new title....


It has been quite a while since my last post. To say that my life changed dramatically is an understatement. As I sit here typing, my five and a half month old baby girl is sleeping in my lap. Her birthmother did not change her mind. She went through with the adoption plan and we have a beautiful, perfect story to tell.  I am not sure I'm ready to share it with the world yet. So it may be awhile before you read about it here. You will probably get bits and pieces for now. I will tell you that I did help deliver my baby girl and I was the first person to hold her in my arms and welcome her to this world. It has changed me in ways I never imagined.

It has been the most amazing few months of my life. At times I'm not even sure I have the words to describe it. If there's one thing I do regret it is that I have not been blogging and recording every little thing that happened, that  I felt and experienced. Although I have been enjoying every single second with my baby girl, I miss the fact that I didn't write anything down so that I can relive it and someday share it with my baby girl.

For now, I will tell you that she is healthy, strong and just beautiful (with the perfect amount of chub)

It's never too late to start though is it? Over the next few weeks I'll do my best to catch you up on what my life has been like as part of a family of 3.... finally!