All about me...

and my hubs.

 The waiting was getting to me (and H)....in a bad way so I decided to do something about it. I knew I needed something else to obsess about to keep my mind off of babies. (It sure does not help that I am surrounded by them at the moment....half the people I know seemed to have gotten pg this year.)

We have both been wanting to lose some weight and get back into shape since the holidays. We have been trying but not with our undivided attention. I suppose that the 2 of us are a little depressed since this journey is not going fast enough for us (and lets be honest....winter and "spring posing as winter" here in the northeast may also be a factor.) So, I have thrown myself into planning a whole new menu for us and a new workout routine for me (H has worked out since boyhood and does not need any tips from me). It never hurts to switch things up and it is so nice to have something else to focus on besides a baby and the agency issues and our impending HS update and the subsequent draining of more of our bank account.

I am actually having a lot of fun with it. I love planning anything and since I can't plan anything as far as the adoption goes, this is a really good distraction and I'm loving the results. I've lost about 6 lbs. since Easter and have toned up quite a bit. Who knew eating more and working out less would be the solution. I am only 4 lbs. away from my goal of 10 lbs. but if it keeps coming off I'll just go with it. H has been doing even better than me, of course, since he is a man with a lot of muscle.

I just figured we needed to stop watching this pot or it may never boil. Luckily, we have loads of events and  activities planned for the summer. It will be a very expensive summer but I think it will be worth it for us to maintain our sanity while we pass the time.

Please God.....let this be the last time we have to do a homestudy update. While I am at it, I will also thank you for focusing my attention back towards a healthier life for H and I. We feel great and are looking better and that is the best thing we can do in preparation for a new wee one.

6 weeks ago.....

we got a call from our agency. They wanted to show our profile to a birth family with a little girl due in April. I wanted to tell everyone I knew but we just told family. I tried to stay calm and not go crazy expecting to have a new baby in the house within the month. But try as I might, my fragile psyche and maternal cravings took over. I let myself "go there". I began planning the date of the Christening based on our summer schedule. I imagined a sweet baby girl in the outfits I saw at every store I walked into. I did not however buy any baby gear....not even one little onesie. For no matter how much I hope, a part of me still thinks I will jinx any match if I buy for baby before he or she is in my arms.

2  weeks after the call (a few days before we left for vacation) I received the phone call saying we were not chosen. The birth parents bonded with another couple. I'll talk more about that call and my feelings when I can.

I don't really have much else to say right now....my creative juices are beyond dried up.  I feel a bit worn out from all the thoughts in my head. I will recount some of my dealings with the agency since we were notified we were not a match and I'll even have some interesting non adoption related material to share. But for now, I just need to let go...to talk about it and to process it. I'll be back very soon.