Happy and sad....

I pinned a quote from my friend on Pinterest and it totally sums up how I’m feeling today.

"So this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be." ~ The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Full disclosure: I never read the book so I'm not sure of the context in which it was used but the stand alone quote made me stop in my tracks. I’m feeling so damn conflicted right now.

I’m happy with our decision to adopt and for a bit of little time to save some cash. H and I are also renovating what will be the nursery and doing as much as we can as a couple in the way of trips and nights out and alone time. I’m sure you’ve heard me say all of this before. Perhaps I am reiterating just to reassure myself. In general, I feel like life is going ok and I am handling whatever does not.

On the other hand…..the adoption situation is threatening my very sanity. Last week marked month #3 of being home study approved with our agency. As of yesterday afternoon, the agency still has not shown our profile book to anyone. That is ZERO profiling opportunities in a 3 month time frame. I’m a little surprised. I guess I expected that we would least have been shown to 1 potential BM by now. Most of the adoptive parents from our agency that I know had quite a few profiling opportunities much earlier on than this. H & I knew going in that we would have (approx.) a 9-18 months wait but we expected to be turned down or maybe that a BF would change their minds but not that there would be no one placing their child with the criteria we specified. I have been told by the Caseworker each and every month that we are fairly open with our situations....more so than some of the other waiting families so I think it is a little strange.

All we can do is wait. We don't want just any baby...we want our baby. I keep telling myself that. In the meantime, I'll be riding this emotional roller coaster.