Get to know me.....

Most people that actually do know me IRL, know that H and I have been trying to have a child for the past 6 years or so. Most people have stopped asking when it's going to happen. (Thank God) I think we must have exceeded some unspoken time frame or something. The occasional stranger will still ask if we have children and when I tell them no or not yet...depending on my mood, there is usually some awkward sentence uttered about how fun it is to try. I've never come right out and said "we can't have children" because we can...just not biological children. I've always known this. I will admit to being afraid to take that step. ART seemed like an easier option somehow. Cheaper too unless you're in as deep as we were. My standard line was always: "I just feel like I can't open myself up to another process". I'll be honest, it had a lot do do with money,too. $30k+ is a lot to shell out when most people just need their bodies and a few minutes. We had to let go of all that....the fact is, we cannot have a child the old fashioned way...no matter how unfair we think it is...no matter how important it is for us to be parents...no matter how much trying we do. And we do a lot of trying.

We also had to grieve the losses and I had to let go of the idea of a baby bump and baby kicks and breastfed children. If there is one thing I have come to realize,it is this: pregnancy is a temporary condition...parenthood is forever. Don't get me wrong, I miss my babies every day and I still wonder what could have been. Time and therapy have taught us that we can move on and we can be happy and we still can have what we want most.

The path to parenthood looks different for every family....even for the super fertile. Sure, it's easier for some but H & I have never gotten anything the easy way. Both of us have always worked very hard for everything so why should this be any different? It's just another challenge for us to tackle.

For more about how we made the decision to open our hearts to adoption, you can check out  my IVF blog

You see, this blog is all about our new beginning. No more putting our life on hold...no more cancelling plans with friends...no more missed vacations because we are cycling. We may have a long road ahead of us but we are looking forward with hope and excitement in our hearts. We both simply feel that some of the best days of our lives have not even happened yet.

Thanks for reading!