You know what they say about practice...

Babysitting is nothing new for me-I was the most sought after babysitter in Tioga Terrace when I was a teen-constantly booked. I sat for children as young as 3 months old. I think it's so funny how people were so much more willing to leave their babies with anyone back then. I have many friends who would never consider letting a teen watch their young children. Of course, I was uber responsible and I had a baby sister 10 years younger than me to practice with.

We're pretty close with many of our friends' children. (Not to mention our own niece and nephew) We are kind of like every one's Aunt and Uncle and we feel quite flattered by that. It got me thinking, though....Do you think children somehow know? Can they sense that we have had heartache and losses? Do they get some kind of vibe from us? I don't think we seem desperate but we always seem to become instant pals with the kids we know. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "He usually doesn't like strangers" or  "She doesn't let anyone else hold her". Even though H is so big children don't seem to be threatened by him at all. I always say it's because he has such a pure heart. :)  My mom always says kids like me because I have a sweet voice and I am sort of animated when I am around kids.

We do get asked to babysit a lot. People must think we do a good job because we always get asked back for return engagements. As a matter of fact, we hung out with 2 of our favorite little boys Saturday night . We also spent the evening with The Backyardigans, The Bubble Guppies and Yo Gabba, Gabba. We had a dance party and played catch, We had snacks and changed diapers and wiped runny noses. And we enjoyed every minute of it. We had to break up a few fights and separate them more than once but they still like us and we sad when we had to leave.

Whenever I see my massive husband (muscle not fat) with a little one I fall in love with him all over again. It is so sweet to see my giant of a man wiping a tiny little nose or grabbing a mini hand. My heart melts when I see a little person curled up in his lap while he reads a story. I can't wait for the day he becomes a father to our child. In the meantime, we have lots of people who are happy to let us practice with their children.

A very cold day and a very warm welcome....

I called H as soon as I got home from work yesterday...to tell him about my awful day and to complain about the sub zero temps. Brrrrrrr. He didn't answer...which is not unusual. I call him the same time everyday,otherwise he gets sad (cute,right?) I assumed he was either a.) involved in some political discussion with a co-worker or b.) talking to his parents or his retired Stockbroker friend. So, I left a message and started a load of darks. No big deal.

When he called me back, I actually learned that he was on the phone with AS. They received our check and registration paperwork and wanted to call and welcome us to the AS family! I was a little surprised that they didn't call me...the check was written from my individual account after all AND I was the one who called them so many times to ask questions. I was building relationships,dammit. And he got the welcome wagon call. *sigh*

Chalk one up for the agency, though. They were simply following the directions on the paperwork! When they asked for our phone numbers and the order we would like to be reached if they needed to get in touch with us, we decided (Uh, H decided) that his cell phone should be our main contact number. You see, we met with a couple who used the same agency and they stressed the importance of the agency always being able to reach us...we could miss out on a match opportunity! H always makes fun of me for never having my cell on and he also said that I might get too excited and say yes to any situation-even if it costs and extra $10,000 so we actually both know it's best for the level headed 1/2 of team S gets those calls.

So, we are set for our orientation and our weekend of home study classes! Let's hope it warms up a bit before we head out west.....

Signed, sealed and ready to be delivered!

The registration paperwork,that is.

Yep...we have chosen our agency and H & I spent the morning finishing the application and writing the 1st of many checks. Bye, bye $375. At least you are money well spent!

It's funny how we are both really in tune with our thoughts on adoption. I, being the OCD half of the pair, read through everything the day it arrived in the mail. (Ok, not before putting the dishes from my lunch bag in the dishwasher and changing into my after work lounging outfit.) When I asked him the questions I had already answered a million times in my head, I was surprised that his answers were so similar to my own. I don't know why I expected us to be divided on some of the questions they asked....we usually are on the same wavelength.

I even love the way we came to the decision to adopt. We each did a little research on our own (without telling each other) and we both talked a mile a minute during our initial discussion. We are definitely planners (hence, the blog title) but the timing was uncanny.

Maybe I built the adoption process up in my head and expected it to be really difficult every step of the way. I know...and I'm sure my friends who are adoptive parents will tell me that the hard stuff is coming up.... the home study and above all else, the wait. I can't believe I used to complain about the 2WW after an IVF cycle. A 2YW (year wait) may do me in!

We already have our 1st date set up with Adoption Star. We meet with the case worker and staff in 2 weeks and we also get to take our 5 home study classes all in 1 shot. This is the part H & I are really excited about. We know we have a bit to learn about adoption and we are looking forward to the guidance the agency will provide. We've started working on our profile book,too. I've already read just about every book out there and we have talked to several agencies and couples but this is where it gets real. Now, we have an agency and they are going to help us meet our baby!

Get to know me.....

Most people that actually do know me IRL, know that H and I have been trying to have a child for the past 6 years or so. Most people have stopped asking when it's going to happen. (Thank God) I think we must have exceeded some unspoken time frame or something. The occasional stranger will still ask if we have children and when I tell them no or not yet...depending on my mood, there is usually some awkward sentence uttered about how fun it is to try. I've never come right out and said "we can't have children" because we can...just not biological children. I've always known this. I will admit to being afraid to take that step. ART seemed like an easier option somehow. Cheaper too unless you're in as deep as we were. My standard line was always: "I just feel like I can't open myself up to another process". I'll be honest, it had a lot do do with money,too. $30k+ is a lot to shell out when most people just need their bodies and a few minutes. We had to let go of all that....the fact is, we cannot have a child the old fashioned way...no matter how unfair we think it is...no matter how important it is for us to be parents...no matter how much trying we do. And we do a lot of trying.

We also had to grieve the losses and I had to let go of the idea of a baby bump and baby kicks and breastfed children. If there is one thing I have come to realize,it is this: pregnancy is a temporary condition...parenthood is forever. Don't get me wrong, I miss my babies every day and I still wonder what could have been. Time and therapy have taught us that we can move on and we can be happy and we still can have what we want most.

The path to parenthood looks different for every family....even for the super fertile. Sure, it's easier for some but H & I have never gotten anything the easy way. Both of us have always worked very hard for everything so why should this be any different? It's just another challenge for us to tackle.

For more about how we made the decision to open our hearts to adoption, you can check out  my IVF blog

You see, this blog is all about our new beginning. No more putting our life on hold...no more cancelling plans with friends...no more missed vacations because we are cycling. We may have a long road ahead of us but we are looking forward with hope and excitement in our hearts. We both simply feel that some of the best days of our lives have not even happened yet.

Thanks for reading!