baby's first cold

I've been dreading this day since my baby girl was born. Right from the beginning the nurses warned us about too much sneezing and keeping the baby away from too many people, especially germy kids.

I have been vigilant about keeping grubby little hands away from my baby's face and making sure no one but Mommy and Daddy (plus a few in the inner circle) give kisses. I carry hand sanitizer and clean off grocery carts in order to avoid germs. I wouldn't dream of bringing her to a drugstore and we haven't gone to church because people go to church when they are sick.... healthy be damned. H and I were both very sick at Christmas and we kept baby girl healthy by washing our hands constantly and putting a hold on all kisses (which was seriously harder than anything I've ever done.)

I knew it was coming. Especially since it is winter. H and I both work at places where everyone shows up sick and we have had a few visitors under the age of 10.

I was prepared with saline drops,  Boogie Wipes and infant Tylenol. It was horrible to see her sick but I kept my cool. (Very unlike me) I called my Pedi with my list of questions and a list of things I had already done. The nurse who spoke with me was impressed and surprised I was only a first time mom. I felt validated if not a little proud.

 It breaks my heart to see her suffer but my girl is a tough cookie. She still has smiles for mommy and daddy and her spirits are pretty good. She's still a little restless at night and has a bit of a cough but I think we did a pretty good job taking care of her and not freaking. she is on the mend but she still has a residual cough. We see the pedi in a few days for shots so they will evaluate her then.

 I haven't told you much about her yet but she is a really good baby. It's rare that she cries or fusses. People are always surprised when they spend time with her. She's very easy going and we are so lucky. I think God knew what He was doing when He sent her to us.

My new title....

...Mommy!

It has been quite a while since my last post. To say that my life changed dramatically is an understatement. As I sit here typing, my five and a half month old baby girl is sleeping in my lap. Her birthmother did not change her mind. She went through with the adoption plan and we have a beautiful, perfect story to tell.  I am not sure I'm ready to share it with the world yet. So it may be awhile before you read about it here. You will probably get bits and pieces for now. I will tell you that I did help deliver my baby girl and I was the first person to hold her in my arms and welcome her to this world. It has changed me in ways I never imagined.

It has been the most amazing few months of my life. At times I'm not even sure I have the words to describe it. If there's one thing I do regret it is that I have not been blogging and recording every little thing that happened, that  I felt and experienced. Although I have been enjoying every single second with my baby girl, I miss the fact that I didn't write anything down so that I can relive it and someday share it with my baby girl.

For now, I will tell you that she is healthy, strong and just beautiful (with the perfect amount of chub)

It's never too late to start though is it? Over the next few weeks I'll do my best to catch you up on what my life has been like as part of a family of 3.... finally!

Some news to share

I had a dream last Wednesday night. It took place out of town in some museum.  We (My Mom and my sisters and I ) were there for a reason but that is still not clear. I happened to be carrying around a baby girl. She was wearing a black velvet track suit (not my taste....at all). Somehow, my Mom knew this was my baby but it was a surprise to my sisters. Everything about the dream was so vivid. I will spare you the details but I can remember it so clearly and I woke up so happy and peaceful.

Later that afternoon, my Family Advocate called. She told us that the EM that looked at our profile the week before had chosen us. I know this is kind of a shock. I was afraid to jinx myself by saying anything.

You see, the week after our conference call with the agency Director, we received 2 profiling opportunities.....in 1 week! The 1st call was a situation that we were not comfortable with but call #2 was regarding a baby girl due on July 10th. This (if everything goes according to plan) will be our baby girl.

At this point we have only told immediate family. We still have 58 days to go before the due date and then another 30 day wait once the baby is in our arms....so things could change. (Although we have been told the EM is sure about placing.)

To say we are happy doesn't even come close. We are euphoric! I am still being very cautious,though. H is working on the baby's room so I have to make some plans. I do admit to purchasing a bedding set so I can match the paint colors but it went against everything in my nature to do so.

I want to believe that this is IT but my past is long and heartbreaking when it comes to family building. One minute I am making registries and imagining a baby girl in my arms the next minute I am trying not to think about it. My stomach is in absolute knots and I haven't been sleeping great, either. Could it really be this easy for us? Let's hope so!

On the ride into work today, I had the thought that it is a good thing I never was pregnant. I have 58 days to wait and see how this all plays out.....9 months may have killed me.

Keep us in your thoughts and keep the EM in your thoughts as well. If it is this difficult for us, I can only imagine what she must be going through.

A few developments

I have been so stressed lately. We are coming up on a year of being home study ready and some recent interactions with my agency had me feeling less than confident in their ability to find us a match.

My Family Advocate (FA) had not called me in months. If it were not for me reaching out then I am not sure if she would have. Hubby and I decided to take action and we booked a conference call with the agency Director/CEO. An adoptive Mom who started the agency 13 years ago. We met her a little over a year ago and felt that she would be able to help us.

The call went very well. We chose not to make it about our experience with our crappy FA (eloquent, I know but I can't seem to find a better word to describe her). Instead, we decided to try and get her to partner with us to come up with ideas about how we can get more profiling calls. She knew our file inside and out and that impressed us both. She did not think our grids were limiting us at all. In fact, most people are not open to out of state placements or face to face meetings with EPs. She loved our profile book and did not think it was an issue (especially considering only 1 couple has even seen it). She did suggest that we make it less wordy and get rid of a few red eye pics. 

She also explained that the profiling is done by EP request. If the expectant parents request a particular thing that does not match who you are (i.e having a dog, a particular degree, lives on a farm) then you will not be shown. EPs get to see 5 profiles so sometimes they will sneak in profiles from couples that have been waiting over a year even if they don't match exactly. That made us feel better,too. Unfortunately, I have no faith in our FA or the fact that she even remembers to pull our profile book when there are opportunities. Without asking, I was told that is not the case.

The best part of the call was when she told us "You will get your baby....I just don't know when but it will happen". I would love for my FA to be that supportive....sometimes you just need to be reassured. Right on the website, the agency lists the following characteristic as something that makes them stand out: "You will be provided your own agency representative known as a Family Advocate that will offer you support and compassion throughout the process." I dare say that we have experienced neither support nor compassion from our FA....and I know for a fact that other waiting families have the same complaint.

As far as I can tell, the conference call had the desired effect. We had the call the last Friday in April and we received 2 profiling calls that week. I'll share that news in another post.

All about me...

and my hubs.

 The waiting was getting to me (and H)....in a bad way so I decided to do something about it. I knew I needed something else to obsess about to keep my mind off of babies. (It sure does not help that I am surrounded by them at the moment....half the people I know seemed to have gotten pg this year.)

We have both been wanting to lose some weight and get back into shape since the holidays. We have been trying but not with our undivided attention. I suppose that the 2 of us are a little depressed since this journey is not going fast enough for us (and lets be honest....winter and "spring posing as winter" here in the northeast may also be a factor.) So, I have thrown myself into planning a whole new menu for us and a new workout routine for me (H has worked out since boyhood and does not need any tips from me). It never hurts to switch things up and it is so nice to have something else to focus on besides a baby and the agency issues and our impending HS update and the subsequent draining of more of our bank account.

I am actually having a lot of fun with it. I love planning anything and since I can't plan anything as far as the adoption goes, this is a really good distraction and I'm loving the results. I've lost about 6 lbs. since Easter and have toned up quite a bit. Who knew eating more and working out less would be the solution. I am only 4 lbs. away from my goal of 10 lbs. but if it keeps coming off I'll just go with it. H has been doing even better than me, of course, since he is a man with a lot of muscle.

I just figured we needed to stop watching this pot or it may never boil. Luckily, we have loads of events and  activities planned for the summer. It will be a very expensive summer but I think it will be worth it for us to maintain our sanity while we pass the time.

Please God.....let this be the last time we have to do a homestudy update. While I am at it, I will also thank you for focusing my attention back towards a healthier life for H and I. We feel great and are looking better and that is the best thing we can do in preparation for a new wee one.

6 weeks ago.....

we got a call from our agency. They wanted to show our profile to a birth family with a little girl due in April. I wanted to tell everyone I knew but we just told family. I tried to stay calm and not go crazy expecting to have a new baby in the house within the month. But try as I might, my fragile psyche and maternal cravings took over. I let myself "go there". I began planning the date of the Christening based on our summer schedule. I imagined a sweet baby girl in the outfits I saw at every store I walked into. I did not however buy any baby gear....not even one little onesie. For no matter how much I hope, a part of me still thinks I will jinx any match if I buy for baby before he or she is in my arms.

2  weeks after the call (a few days before we left for vacation) I received the phone call saying we were not chosen. The birth parents bonded with another couple. I'll talk more about that call and my feelings when I can.

I don't really have much else to say right now....my creative juices are beyond dried up.  I feel a bit worn out from all the thoughts in my head. I will recount some of my dealings with the agency since we were notified we were not a match and I'll even have some interesting non adoption related material to share. But for now, I just need to let go...to talk about it and to process it. I'll be back very soon.

Ginger soup

That's me ( nickname: Ginger from a friend at a former job, for those of you that don't know that) + a detox bath. I found a recipe online and it seemed like a really good idea to shake this flu (or whatever this ailment is that's kicking my ass).

The recipe?

2 cups of Epsom salts (you may recall from an earlier post that I fell in the bathtub back in September taking an Epsom salt bath and  injured my wing. Don't worry, I was careful)

1 cup of baking soda (I almost used baking powder thanks to my fuzzy head but I caught the mistake early enough)

2 tbsp. of ginger

Oh, and water....as hot as you can stand it.

The directions said to stay in the bath for 40 min. but I thought I would be happy if I just made it to the 20 min. minimum.

I put my hair up, grabbed my book ( Maine by J. Courtney Sullivan- highly recommend) and 32 oz. of cold water (because you need to replenish the fluids you are about to sweat out.) I got into the tub very carefully....that Epsom salt can turn your tub into a death trap, so detoxers beware!

Within minutes, I was sweating like I just finished a Turbofire workout and I started to get dizzy....like bed spins dizzy.  My skin started to smell a little funny like the garlic and cayenne that I consumed yesterday while trying another home remedy.

With Hubby not home, I started to get a little worried. I wouldn't want him to come home and find me a victim of my latest bright idea but I just kept telling myself it was the poison fleeing from my body and that it would be ok and would all be worth it to be able to breathe and, hopefully, speak again. I did not have enough common sense to bring my phone with me but I toughed it out and I do think it was worth it.

When the alarm clock went off 40 min. later ( yep, I managed the full 40 min. thanks to a good book and the 32 oz. of water that I polished off) I was ready to get out. I felt sort of drained but in a good way like how you feel after a good workout or massage and I'm kind of looking forward to my next one. It's been over an hour and I can breathe and my body is not aching. I drank another 32 oz. of water and feel like I could keep going. I'll spare you the details of the expectoration but I will warn you to keep a tissue box close by.

The takeaway? I think it is a great way to help your body get through an illness. If you can stand the heat and smelling like a restaurant, you should try it.  I can give you the link to the page if you request it.