Picture this: a neighborhood party for a 2 year old. This neighborhood is filled with young families who have school aged children. I've been to plenty of these parties outside of said neighborhood since we began the adoption process. I even managed to show up for a few while I was dealing with fertility drugs and procedures at the peak of my hormonal-ness. I'll stay for a while,grab a bite to eat, do my best to smile and chat and make a graceful exit.
My neighborhood is strange. I made it to the monthly bunco/drunko game and the block parties and Friday happy hours for the 1st couple of years but the more women that became pregnant, the harder it became for me to fit in. All anyone wanted to talk about was their pregnancies and their kids and I felt so out of place. It's different when you are friends with people and have other things in common besides your street name and some of these woman had nothing to say beyond diapers and daycare. Current events, anyone? Celebrity gossip? Have you read any good books lately? It all came down to baby,baby,baby. I never felt like anyone was that friendly to me so DH and I slowly pulled away. We have lots of our own friends and family in the local area that we spend time with so we really don't have a lot of time for neighborhood events. Most of the people who live here don't have a lot of local ties so they are all up in each other's business...ALL.THE.TIME.
We are good friends with 1 couple who are very involved in the communal lifestyle of the neighborhood and they always invite the whole neighborhood to all of their parties. I thought nothing of it-we had been to parties there before and I could hold my own.
Today, I freaked. I had a full on panic attack when I walked around the corner into their backyard. Some of the NMs (neighborhood mommies) were looking at me like "why are they here?" No smiles or anything....just mean girl faces. My heart started racing. I found my friend and explained that I felt stupid being there. She is a former infertile and she understands. I think she thinks I've moved on since we decided to adopt and I have but most people don't know yet and I felt so judged.
DH was no comfort. He yelled at me in the car for making him look stupid and told me he was disappointed in me. He felt better when my friend called to check on me and told me that she explained we had another engagement but wanted to drop off the gift in person. A few others had done the same and no one noticed our abrupt departure.
Couple that with my baby registry experience earlier in the day and the fact that it's almost THAT time of the month. I just got caught in the perfect storm. I'm doing much better after some TLC from DH and chocolate (not all at once.)
Tell me this stops. Does it stop when you are matched? When you finally hold your baby? When?
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Hurry up..... and wait.
Yes....that's what we've been doing. A whole lot of waiting. Life has been busy beyond anything I've experienced this year. For starters....we completed our adoption ppwk, homestudy and profile in a timely manner. (That's a bit of an understatement...this type A, overachiever had everything done in 8 weeks despite having to rely on a few professionals who were dragging their feet.)
We ran into a bit of a snag thanks to our case worker and some information she neglected to provide. We had to wait another 4 weeks to complete our HS because I needed a letter from my therapist stating I am not in therapy because I want to harm myself or others or some such nonsense. I won't bore you with the details but suffice it to say that for nearly a month I was on the phone with the other people daily (CW,SW and my therapist) when my CW should have handled it. The SW ended up contacting the agency director and lo and behold it was done the next day. As of June 4th, we went live with the agency. I'm not sure if we have been profiled yet but I will be checking with the agency this week and I'll let you all know :)
I don't have much of an excuse for not blogging except that I've been overwhelmed. Some of it is adoption related but some is with life in general. Here is our year-to-date at a glance for those who are interested:
Jan- We picked an agency and completed our required credits.
Feb-Worked on our ppwk.
Mar-Disney family vaca and visiting ILs in FL, refinanced the house
Apr-Nephew's 1st bday (out of town) and began homestudy. DH began a renovation on guest bed/bath that was finished at the end of June just in time for company
All while working on the profile book......
May- We finished our HS and the profile book
June- My Dad retired and we threw a huge family reunion for Dh's fam and had lots of company just about every week
July-My sis got married and DH had surgery and more overnight guests. Plus, I had a minor car accident.
I' m not even listing stuff like parties and usual bday celebrations. Whew! Now we are approaching August and we have lots of parties to attend and a getaway planned.
We have had an incredibly busy year and I have to say that both of us are happier than we have been in a long time. No more fertility treatments and there is no doubt in our minds that we'll be parents. We have been waiting about 8 weeks but it doesn't feel that long. Hopefully, we stay busy and continue to tolerate the waiting!
We ran into a bit of a snag thanks to our case worker and some information she neglected to provide. We had to wait another 4 weeks to complete our HS because I needed a letter from my therapist stating I am not in therapy because I want to harm myself or others or some such nonsense. I won't bore you with the details but suffice it to say that for nearly a month I was on the phone with the other people daily (CW,SW and my therapist) when my CW should have handled it. The SW ended up contacting the agency director and lo and behold it was done the next day. As of June 4th, we went live with the agency. I'm not sure if we have been profiled yet but I will be checking with the agency this week and I'll let you all know :)
I don't have much of an excuse for not blogging except that I've been overwhelmed. Some of it is adoption related but some is with life in general. Here is our year-to-date at a glance for those who are interested:
Jan- We picked an agency and completed our required credits.
Feb-Worked on our ppwk.
Mar-Disney family vaca and visiting ILs in FL, refinanced the house
Apr-Nephew's 1st bday (out of town) and began homestudy. DH began a renovation on guest bed/bath that was finished at the end of June just in time for company
All while working on the profile book......
May- We finished our HS and the profile book
June- My Dad retired and we threw a huge family reunion for Dh's fam and had lots of company just about every week
July-My sis got married and DH had surgery and more overnight guests. Plus, I had a minor car accident.
I' m not even listing stuff like parties and usual bday celebrations. Whew! Now we are approaching August and we have lots of parties to attend and a getaway planned.
We have had an incredibly busy year and I have to say that both of us are happier than we have been in a long time. No more fertility treatments and there is no doubt in our minds that we'll be parents. We have been waiting about 8 weeks but it doesn't feel that long. Hopefully, we stay busy and continue to tolerate the waiting!
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