I am not even sure if we are correct in using the term "gotcha day" but it seems to be a phrase that people understand. Maybe it's because they celebrate it on the show "Jessie" or maybe it is a word that is easy to remember. I know it is typically used to describe a foster situation but I do know some parents who have adopted newborns that refer to the day that the adoption in finalized as "gotcha day". My mom heard it from a friend and got super excited about the term and my Niece and Nephew are huge "Jessie" fans so adopting the phrase to fit our situation just seems right.
It was a day of mixed emotions for me. Of course I am beyond thrilled to share our last name with our baby girl. I have been her mommy from the day I helped deliver her so it is kind of anticlimactic. Yet it feels wrong not to celebrate. It is certainly a milestone but I don't know if it feels right to distinguish the day the adoption was official from the day she was born. Also, the fact that another woman suffered a loss in order to make us parents does not escape me. I am sad for C. She posted on fb about going for a walk and feeling great because time heals everything and it made me a little sad.
The day itself seemed to reflect my feelings. It started out sunny and beautiful. And then there were clouds and a few raindrops. The sun came out again.....bright as can be for a little while. Soon enough, the wind picked up and the sky was dark once again. On and on like that all day. It was a big topic of conversation amongst the people we came into contact with throughout the day. The weather, not my comparison.
Speaking of people, G had quite the fan base at the courthouse. My parents wanted to there and our lawyer was there. Baby girl's court appointed Rep was not required to be there but asked us if she could attend so she could see G again because she was do cute and charming the 1st time they met :) even the super serious Policemen waving the metal detector wand up and down our bodies couldn't help but smile and get playful with her. Family court is not a very happy place from what I understand, so when smooth infant adoptions are on the docket it makes everyone happy.
It was so quick. We basically had to verify our signatures and confirm that we wanted to parent our girl. She was a little fussy in the courtroom (a very rare occurrence) so a part of me had to wonder if she felt like she sensed that the day was an end of something as well as a very happy beginning. I really hope that H and I can do justice to the miracle that is adoption when we speak about it to G. I don't ever want her to make feel like she was unwanted. I hope we can effectively communicate how blessed we all are to be a family without making her feel sad about her bm.
The judge was amazing...a man who has personal experience with adoption. He gsve our baby girl a (beany baby) seal in addition to his official seal and our lawyer presented her with a sweet toy elephant. We all posed for pictures and the room was full of such joy and smiling faces. My mom had a special bell made with the date, G's name and the quote "Every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings". 15 minutes tops to represent the nearly 9 months we waited to be officially called G's mommy and daddy. Fine by me! We ran out of there.
We commemorated the day by grabbing lunch with my parents at a place called Johnny's where busboy girl had her 1st taste of chicken (with the carbonnara sauce licked off but she still got diarrhea the next day). Then in the evening my sisters and their families joined us for pizza and cake that said "Gotcha". I am not sure if we will celebrate every year but I know I will never forget this day. Nor the fact that it was 2 days before mother's day.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Just another day
My baby is sleeping. My almost 9 month old baby girl is asleep downstairs and I miss her. Her rosy, cherub like cheeks are so tempting. She is so fun. She is happy and she plays and she has such a fiery little personality. I want to pick her up and kiss her and snuggle her but she does not like to be snuggled when she is sleepy anymore. She likes her space. God, what will it be like when she is a teenager?
These are my thoughts the night before we finalize. It is just like any other night. I go to bed smiling after I spend the last few minutes of my day watching her and giving thanks for her. But tomorrow, we visit the judge and make everything legal. The state will finally acknowledge what we knew in our hearts the moment we witnessed her 1st breath. It feels like I am not making it big enough, yet for H and I, nothing will change.
We will come home from the courthouse and have pizza and cake with family to celebrate but it will be a day like any other. We loved her before we met her and we fall in love with her more every day.
That is definitely something to celebrate.
These are my thoughts the night before we finalize. It is just like any other night. I go to bed smiling after I spend the last few minutes of my day watching her and giving thanks for her. But tomorrow, we visit the judge and make everything legal. The state will finally acknowledge what we knew in our hearts the moment we witnessed her 1st breath. It feels like I am not making it big enough, yet for H and I, nothing will change.
We will come home from the courthouse and have pizza and cake with family to celebrate but it will be a day like any other. We loved her before we met her and we fall in love with her more every day.
That is definitely something to celebrate.
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Catch 22
I don't know how it is nearly April or how my baby girl will be 8 months old in a few weeks. I had every intention of blogging from the beginning. I wanted to remember every little milestone, every noise, every glance. I wanted to record everything so that I can relive it over and over.
Obviously, I am not doing that. Some days I feel really sad about that. I am afraid that I have forgotten so many of the little things and that they will be lost like the days and hours that have passed. Sometimes a memory will pop into my head during the day. I will remember the little elephant noises she made in her sleep for the 1st few weeks and how I wondered if it was normal. Or how she used to want me to snuggle her to sleep instead of wiggling out of my arms so she can fall asleep alone.
On the other hand, I don't want to miss a single second because I am too busy writing about her. I take some time to jot down the things she does but I wish I took the time to write what I think about it all. Motherhood has been such an incredible gift and I want all of the joy to last and last.
G will be our only baby and I think I have done a pretty good job of living in the moment with her. I hope I always will....even if I remember a little less :) I guess that is what she will want to remember.
Obviously, I am not doing that. Some days I feel really sad about that. I am afraid that I have forgotten so many of the little things and that they will be lost like the days and hours that have passed. Sometimes a memory will pop into my head during the day. I will remember the little elephant noises she made in her sleep for the 1st few weeks and how I wondered if it was normal. Or how she used to want me to snuggle her to sleep instead of wiggling out of my arms so she can fall asleep alone.
On the other hand, I don't want to miss a single second because I am too busy writing about her. I take some time to jot down the things she does but I wish I took the time to write what I think about it all. Motherhood has been such an incredible gift and I want all of the joy to last and last.
G will be our only baby and I think I have done a pretty good job of living in the moment with her. I hope I always will....even if I remember a little less :) I guess that is what she will want to remember.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
baby's first cold
I've been dreading this day since my baby girl was born. Right from the beginning the nurses warned us about too much sneezing and keeping the baby away from too many people, especially germy kids.
I have been vigilant about keeping grubby little hands away from my baby's face and making sure no one but Mommy and Daddy (plus a few in the inner circle) give kisses. I carry hand sanitizer and clean off grocery carts in order to avoid germs. I wouldn't dream of bringing her to a drugstore and we haven't gone to church because people go to church when they are sick.... healthy be damned. H and I were both very sick at Christmas and we kept baby girl healthy by washing our hands constantly and putting a hold on all kisses (which was seriously harder than anything I've ever done.)
I knew it was coming. Especially since it is winter. H and I both work at places where everyone shows up sick and we have had a few visitors under the age of 10.
I was prepared with saline drops, Boogie Wipes and infant Tylenol. It was horrible to see her sick but I kept my cool. (Very unlike me) I called my Pedi with my list of questions and a list of things I had already done. The nurse who spoke with me was impressed and surprised I was only a first time mom. I felt validated if not a little proud.
It breaks my heart to see her suffer but my girl is a tough cookie. She still has smiles for mommy and daddy and her spirits are pretty good. She's still a little restless at night and has a bit of a cough but I think we did a pretty good job taking care of her and not freaking. she is on the mend but she still has a residual cough. We see the pedi in a few days for shots so they will evaluate her then.
I haven't told you much about her yet but she is a really good baby. It's rare that she cries or fusses. People are always surprised when they spend time with her. She's very easy going and we are so lucky. I think God knew what He was doing when He sent her to us.
I have been vigilant about keeping grubby little hands away from my baby's face and making sure no one but Mommy and Daddy (plus a few in the inner circle) give kisses. I carry hand sanitizer and clean off grocery carts in order to avoid germs. I wouldn't dream of bringing her to a drugstore and we haven't gone to church because people go to church when they are sick.... healthy be damned. H and I were both very sick at Christmas and we kept baby girl healthy by washing our hands constantly and putting a hold on all kisses (which was seriously harder than anything I've ever done.)
I knew it was coming. Especially since it is winter. H and I both work at places where everyone shows up sick and we have had a few visitors under the age of 10.
I was prepared with saline drops, Boogie Wipes and infant Tylenol. It was horrible to see her sick but I kept my cool. (Very unlike me) I called my Pedi with my list of questions and a list of things I had already done. The nurse who spoke with me was impressed and surprised I was only a first time mom. I felt validated if not a little proud.
It breaks my heart to see her suffer but my girl is a tough cookie. She still has smiles for mommy and daddy and her spirits are pretty good. She's still a little restless at night and has a bit of a cough but I think we did a pretty good job taking care of her and not freaking. she is on the mend but she still has a residual cough. We see the pedi in a few days for shots so they will evaluate her then.
I haven't told you much about her yet but she is a really good baby. It's rare that she cries or fusses. People are always surprised when they spend time with her. She's very easy going and we are so lucky. I think God knew what He was doing when He sent her to us.
Friday, January 31, 2014
My new title....
...Mommy!
It has been quite a while since my last post. To say that my life changed dramatically is an understatement. As I sit here typing, my five and a half month old baby girl is sleeping in my lap. Her birthmother did not change her mind. She went through with the adoption plan and we have a beautiful, perfect story to tell. I am not sure I'm ready to share it with the world yet. So it may be awhile before you read about it here. You will probably get bits and pieces for now. I will tell you that I did help deliver my baby girl and I was the first person to hold her in my arms and welcome her to this world. It has changed me in ways I never imagined.
It has been the most amazing few months of my life. At times I'm not even sure I have the words to describe it. If there's one thing I do regret it is that I have not been blogging and recording every little thing that happened, that I felt and experienced. Although I have been enjoying every single second with my baby girl, I miss the fact that I didn't write anything down so that I can relive it and someday share it with my baby girl.
For now, I will tell you that she is healthy, strong and just beautiful (with the perfect amount of chub)
It's never too late to start though is it? Over the next few weeks I'll do my best to catch you up on what my life has been like as part of a family of 3.... finally!
It has been quite a while since my last post. To say that my life changed dramatically is an understatement. As I sit here typing, my five and a half month old baby girl is sleeping in my lap. Her birthmother did not change her mind. She went through with the adoption plan and we have a beautiful, perfect story to tell. I am not sure I'm ready to share it with the world yet. So it may be awhile before you read about it here. You will probably get bits and pieces for now. I will tell you that I did help deliver my baby girl and I was the first person to hold her in my arms and welcome her to this world. It has changed me in ways I never imagined.
It has been the most amazing few months of my life. At times I'm not even sure I have the words to describe it. If there's one thing I do regret it is that I have not been blogging and recording every little thing that happened, that I felt and experienced. Although I have been enjoying every single second with my baby girl, I miss the fact that I didn't write anything down so that I can relive it and someday share it with my baby girl.
For now, I will tell you that she is healthy, strong and just beautiful (with the perfect amount of chub)
It's never too late to start though is it? Over the next few weeks I'll do my best to catch you up on what my life has been like as part of a family of 3.... finally!
Monday, May 13, 2013
Some news to share
I had a dream last Wednesday night. It took place out of town in some museum. We (My Mom and my sisters and I ) were there for a reason but that is still not clear. I happened to be carrying around a baby girl. She was wearing a black velvet track suit (not my taste....at all). Somehow, my Mom knew this was my baby but it was a surprise to my sisters. Everything about the dream was so vivid. I will spare you the details but I can remember it so clearly and I woke up so happy and peaceful.
Later that afternoon, my Family Advocate called. She told us that the EM that looked at our profile the week before had chosen us. I know this is kind of a shock. I was afraid to jinx myself by saying anything.
You see, the week after our conference call with the agency Director, we received 2 profiling opportunities.....in 1 week! The 1st call was a situation that we were not comfortable with but call #2 was regarding a baby girl due on July 10th. This (if everything goes according to plan) will be our baby girl.
At this point we have only told immediate family. We still have 58 days to go before the due date and then another 30 day wait once the baby is in our arms....so things could change. (Although we have been told the EM is sure about placing.)
To say we are happy doesn't even come close. We are euphoric! I am still being very cautious,though. H is working on the baby's room so I have to make some plans. I do admit to purchasing a bedding set so I can match the paint colors but it went against everything in my nature to do so.
I want to believe that this is IT but my past is long and heartbreaking when it comes to family building. One minute I am making registries and imagining a baby girl in my arms the next minute I am trying not to think about it. My stomach is in absolute knots and I haven't been sleeping great, either. Could it really be this easy for us? Let's hope so!
On the ride into work today, I had the thought that it is a good thing I never was pregnant. I have 58 days to wait and see how this all plays out.....9 months may have killed me.
Keep us in your thoughts and keep the EM in your thoughts as well. If it is this difficult for us, I can only imagine what she must be going through.
Later that afternoon, my Family Advocate called. She told us that the EM that looked at our profile the week before had chosen us. I know this is kind of a shock. I was afraid to jinx myself by saying anything.
You see, the week after our conference call with the agency Director, we received 2 profiling opportunities.....in 1 week! The 1st call was a situation that we were not comfortable with but call #2 was regarding a baby girl due on July 10th. This (if everything goes according to plan) will be our baby girl.
At this point we have only told immediate family. We still have 58 days to go before the due date and then another 30 day wait once the baby is in our arms....so things could change. (Although we have been told the EM is sure about placing.)
To say we are happy doesn't even come close. We are euphoric! I am still being very cautious,though. H is working on the baby's room so I have to make some plans. I do admit to purchasing a bedding set so I can match the paint colors but it went against everything in my nature to do so.
I want to believe that this is IT but my past is long and heartbreaking when it comes to family building. One minute I am making registries and imagining a baby girl in my arms the next minute I am trying not to think about it. My stomach is in absolute knots and I haven't been sleeping great, either. Could it really be this easy for us? Let's hope so!
On the ride into work today, I had the thought that it is a good thing I never was pregnant. I have 58 days to wait and see how this all plays out.....9 months may have killed me.
Keep us in your thoughts and keep the EM in your thoughts as well. If it is this difficult for us, I can only imagine what she must be going through.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
A few developments
I have been so stressed lately. We are coming up on a year of being home study ready and some recent interactions with my agency had me feeling less than confident in their ability to find us a match.
My Family Advocate (FA) had not called me in months. If it were not for me reaching out then I am not sure if she would have. Hubby and I decided to take action and we booked a conference call with the agency Director/CEO. An adoptive Mom who started the agency 13 years ago. We met her a little over a year ago and felt that she would be able to help us.
The call went very well. We chose not to make it about our experience with our crappy FA (eloquent, I know but I can't seem to find a better word to describe her). Instead, we decided to try and get her to partner with us to come up with ideas about how we can get more profiling calls. She knew our file inside and out and that impressed us both. She did not think our grids were limiting us at all. In fact, most people are not open to out of state placements or face to face meetings with EPs. She loved our profile book and did not think it was an issue (especially considering only 1 couple has even seen it). She did suggest that we make it less wordy and get rid of a few red eye pics.
She also explained that the profiling is done by EP request. If the expectant parents request a particular thing that does not match who you are (i.e having a dog, a particular degree, lives on a farm) then you will not be shown. EPs get to see 5 profiles so sometimes they will sneak in profiles from couples that have been waiting over a year even if they don't match exactly. That made us feel better,too. Unfortunately, I have no faith in our FA or the fact that she even remembers to pull our profile book when there are opportunities. Without asking, I was told that is not the case.
The best part of the call was when she told us "You will get your baby....I just don't know when but it will happen". I would love for my FA to be that supportive....sometimes you just need to be reassured. Right on the website, the agency lists the following characteristic as something that makes them stand out: "You will be provided your own agency representative known as a Family Advocate that will offer you support and compassion throughout the process." I dare say that we have experienced neither support nor compassion from our FA....and I know for a fact that other waiting families have the same complaint.
As far as I can tell, the conference call had the desired effect. We had the call the last Friday in April and we received 2 profiling calls that week. I'll share that news in another post.
My Family Advocate (FA) had not called me in months. If it were not for me reaching out then I am not sure if she would have. Hubby and I decided to take action and we booked a conference call with the agency Director/CEO. An adoptive Mom who started the agency 13 years ago. We met her a little over a year ago and felt that she would be able to help us.
The call went very well. We chose not to make it about our experience with our crappy FA (eloquent, I know but I can't seem to find a better word to describe her). Instead, we decided to try and get her to partner with us to come up with ideas about how we can get more profiling calls. She knew our file inside and out and that impressed us both. She did not think our grids were limiting us at all. In fact, most people are not open to out of state placements or face to face meetings with EPs. She loved our profile book and did not think it was an issue (especially considering only 1 couple has even seen it). She did suggest that we make it less wordy and get rid of a few red eye pics.
She also explained that the profiling is done by EP request. If the expectant parents request a particular thing that does not match who you are (i.e having a dog, a particular degree, lives on a farm) then you will not be shown. EPs get to see 5 profiles so sometimes they will sneak in profiles from couples that have been waiting over a year even if they don't match exactly. That made us feel better,too. Unfortunately, I have no faith in our FA or the fact that she even remembers to pull our profile book when there are opportunities. Without asking, I was told that is not the case.
The best part of the call was when she told us "You will get your baby....I just don't know when but it will happen". I would love for my FA to be that supportive....sometimes you just need to be reassured. Right on the website, the agency lists the following characteristic as something that makes them stand out: "You will be provided your own agency representative known as a Family Advocate that will offer you support and compassion throughout the process." I dare say that we have experienced neither support nor compassion from our FA....and I know for a fact that other waiting families have the same complaint.
As far as I can tell, the conference call had the desired effect. We had the call the last Friday in April and we received 2 profiling calls that week. I'll share that news in another post.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
All about me...
and my hubs.
The waiting was getting to me (and H)....in a bad way so I decided to do something about it. I knew I needed something else to obsess about to keep my mind off of babies. (It sure does not help that I am surrounded by them at the moment....half the people I know seemed to have gotten pg this year.)
We have both been wanting to lose some weight and get back into shape since the holidays. We have been trying but not with our undivided attention. I suppose that the 2 of us are a little depressed since this journey is not going fast enough for us (and lets be honest....winter and "spring posing as winter" here in the northeast may also be a factor.) So, I have thrown myself into planning a whole new menu for us and a new workout routine for me (H has worked out since boyhood and does not need any tips from me). It never hurts to switch things up and it is so nice to have something else to focus on besides a baby and the agency issues and our impending HS update and the subsequent draining of more of our bank account.
I am actually having a lot of fun with it. I love planning anything and since I can't plan anything as far as the adoption goes, this is a really good distraction and I'm loving the results. I've lost about 6 lbs. since Easter and have toned up quite a bit. Who knew eating more and working out less would be the solution. I am only 4 lbs. away from my goal of 10 lbs. but if it keeps coming off I'll just go with it. H has been doing even better than me, of course, since he is a man with a lot of muscle.
I just figured we needed to stop watching this pot or it may never boil. Luckily, we have loads of events and activities planned for the summer. It will be a very expensive summer but I think it will be worth it for us to maintain our sanity while we pass the time.
Please God.....let this be the last time we have to do a homestudy update. While I am at it, I will also thank you for focusing my attention back towards a healthier life for H and I. We feel great and are looking better and that is the best thing we can do in preparation for a new wee one.
The waiting was getting to me (and H)....in a bad way so I decided to do something about it. I knew I needed something else to obsess about to keep my mind off of babies. (It sure does not help that I am surrounded by them at the moment....half the people I know seemed to have gotten pg this year.)
We have both been wanting to lose some weight and get back into shape since the holidays. We have been trying but not with our undivided attention. I suppose that the 2 of us are a little depressed since this journey is not going fast enough for us (and lets be honest....winter and "spring posing as winter" here in the northeast may also be a factor.) So, I have thrown myself into planning a whole new menu for us and a new workout routine for me (H has worked out since boyhood and does not need any tips from me). It never hurts to switch things up and it is so nice to have something else to focus on besides a baby and the agency issues and our impending HS update and the subsequent draining of more of our bank account.
I am actually having a lot of fun with it. I love planning anything and since I can't plan anything as far as the adoption goes, this is a really good distraction and I'm loving the results. I've lost about 6 lbs. since Easter and have toned up quite a bit. Who knew eating more and working out less would be the solution. I am only 4 lbs. away from my goal of 10 lbs. but if it keeps coming off I'll just go with it. H has been doing even better than me, of course, since he is a man with a lot of muscle.
I just figured we needed to stop watching this pot or it may never boil. Luckily, we have loads of events and activities planned for the summer. It will be a very expensive summer but I think it will be worth it for us to maintain our sanity while we pass the time.
Please God.....let this be the last time we have to do a homestudy update. While I am at it, I will also thank you for focusing my attention back towards a healthier life for H and I. We feel great and are looking better and that is the best thing we can do in preparation for a new wee one.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
6 weeks ago.....
we got a call from our agency. They wanted to show our profile to a birth family with a little girl due in April. I wanted to tell everyone I knew but we just told family. I tried to stay calm and not go crazy expecting to have a new baby in the house within the month. But try as I might, my fragile psyche and maternal cravings took over. I let myself "go there". I began planning the date of the Christening based on our summer schedule. I imagined a sweet baby girl in the outfits I saw at every store I walked into. I did not however buy any baby gear....not even one little onesie. For no matter how much I hope, a part of me still thinks I will jinx any match if I buy for baby before he or she is in my arms.
2 weeks after the call (a few days before we left for vacation) I received the phone call saying we were not chosen. The birth parents bonded with another couple. I'll talk more about that call and my feelings when I can.
I don't really have much else to say right now....my creative juices are beyond dried up. I feel a bit worn out from all the thoughts in my head. I will recount some of my dealings with the agency since we were notified we were not a match and I'll even have some interesting non adoption related material to share. But for now, I just need to let go...to talk about it and to process it. I'll be back very soon.
2 weeks after the call (a few days before we left for vacation) I received the phone call saying we were not chosen. The birth parents bonded with another couple. I'll talk more about that call and my feelings when I can.
I don't really have much else to say right now....my creative juices are beyond dried up. I feel a bit worn out from all the thoughts in my head. I will recount some of my dealings with the agency since we were notified we were not a match and I'll even have some interesting non adoption related material to share. But for now, I just need to let go...to talk about it and to process it. I'll be back very soon.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Ginger soup
That's me ( nickname: Ginger from a friend at a former job, for those of you that don't know that) + a detox bath. I found a recipe online and it seemed like a really good idea to shake this flu (or whatever this ailment is that's kicking my ass).
The recipe?
2 cups of Epsom salts (you may recall from an earlier post that I fell in the bathtub back in September taking an Epsom salt bath and injured my wing. Don't worry, I was careful)
1 cup of baking soda (I almost used baking powder thanks to my fuzzy head but I caught the mistake early enough)
2 tbsp. of ginger
Oh, and water....as hot as you can stand it.
The directions said to stay in the bath for 40 min. but I thought I would be happy if I just made it to the 20 min. minimum.
I put my hair up, grabbed my book ( Maine by J. Courtney Sullivan- highly recommend) and 32 oz. of cold water (because you need to replenish the fluids you are about to sweat out.) I got into the tub very carefully....that Epsom salt can turn your tub into a death trap, so detoxers beware!
Within minutes, I was sweating like I just finished a Turbofire workout and I started to get dizzy....like bed spins dizzy. My skin started to smell a little funny like the garlic and cayenne that I consumed yesterday while trying another home remedy.
With Hubby not home, I started to get a little worried. I wouldn't want him to come home and find me a victim of my latest bright idea but I just kept telling myself it was the poison fleeing from my body and that it would be ok and would all be worth it to be able to breathe and, hopefully, speak again. I did not have enough common sense to bring my phone with me but I toughed it out and I do think it was worth it.
When the alarm clock went off 40 min. later ( yep, I managed the full 40 min. thanks to a good book and the 32 oz. of water that I polished off) I was ready to get out. I felt sort of drained but in a good way like how you feel after a good workout or massage and I'm kind of looking forward to my next one. It's been over an hour and I can breathe and my body is not aching. I drank another 32 oz. of water and feel like I could keep going. I'll spare you the details of the expectoration but I will warn you to keep a tissue box close by.
The takeaway? I think it is a great way to help your body get through an illness. If you can stand the heat and smelling like a restaurant, you should try it. I can give you the link to the page if you request it.
The recipe?
2 cups of Epsom salts (you may recall from an earlier post that I fell in the bathtub back in September taking an Epsom salt bath and injured my wing. Don't worry, I was careful)
1 cup of baking soda (I almost used baking powder thanks to my fuzzy head but I caught the mistake early enough)
2 tbsp. of ginger
Oh, and water....as hot as you can stand it.
The directions said to stay in the bath for 40 min. but I thought I would be happy if I just made it to the 20 min. minimum.
I put my hair up, grabbed my book ( Maine by J. Courtney Sullivan- highly recommend) and 32 oz. of cold water (because you need to replenish the fluids you are about to sweat out.) I got into the tub very carefully....that Epsom salt can turn your tub into a death trap, so detoxers beware!
Within minutes, I was sweating like I just finished a Turbofire workout and I started to get dizzy....like bed spins dizzy. My skin started to smell a little funny like the garlic and cayenne that I consumed yesterday while trying another home remedy.
With Hubby not home, I started to get a little worried. I wouldn't want him to come home and find me a victim of my latest bright idea but I just kept telling myself it was the poison fleeing from my body and that it would be ok and would all be worth it to be able to breathe and, hopefully, speak again. I did not have enough common sense to bring my phone with me but I toughed it out and I do think it was worth it.
When the alarm clock went off 40 min. later ( yep, I managed the full 40 min. thanks to a good book and the 32 oz. of water that I polished off) I was ready to get out. I felt sort of drained but in a good way like how you feel after a good workout or massage and I'm kind of looking forward to my next one. It's been over an hour and I can breathe and my body is not aching. I drank another 32 oz. of water and feel like I could keep going. I'll spare you the details of the expectoration but I will warn you to keep a tissue box close by.
The takeaway? I think it is a great way to help your body get through an illness. If you can stand the heat and smelling like a restaurant, you should try it. I can give you the link to the page if you request it.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Homemade is best
That's what Grandma always says and she's always right.
I have been avoiding pre packaged foods for years as it aggravates my Crohns but ever since dealing with infertility, I have been moving toward a more natural lifestyle. Not only in how H and I eat, but in how we take care of ourselves.
Acupuncture has been invaluable in regulating my cycles and quieting my mind and tummy and seeing a chiropractor has helped with my posture and neck and shoulder tension. H even sees someone in the acupuncture office ...no needles for him but he does take the Chinese herbs that the Dr. prescribes and it helps him tremendously.
I was always that girl that believed in loading up on NyQuil and Dayquil and resting as much as I could to get better. The older I get, the less this seems to help. Or maybe, it just takes longer to get over stuff as you age. Who knows?
I don't get sick often but when I do, it levels me. So, when my throat started to get sore yesterday morning and I sneezed a few more times than usual, I consulted my "Be healthy" board on Pinterest. I had pinned a bunch of home remedies when news of the flu outbreak hit the wires weeks ago. You know, just in case.
Here is what I came up with:
1. 1 tsp. of raw honey with 1/4 tsp. of cinnamon in the morning and
before bed.
2. 2 oz. of apple cider vinegar in 8 oz. of water (really gross )
3. Vicks vapor rub on my feet at night (with a pair of socks, of course)
4. Hot water with lemon....lots of lemon, throughout the day.
This is in addition to my usual cold care: hot steam vaporizer at night, Tylenol, neti pot and plenty of chicken soup and orange juice.
Whew! It's like a job getting all of this stuff together. I am on day 3 and I can't tell if it's working yet. I still have a wicked sinus headache...my face hurts and my teeth feel like they are going to fall out from the pressure but things do seem to be loosening up.
Thank goodness I have the weekend to ride it out. As it is, I had to take 2 sick days this week. That just means less time off when we finally take home our baby. Damn the flu.
I have been avoiding pre packaged foods for years as it aggravates my Crohns but ever since dealing with infertility, I have been moving toward a more natural lifestyle. Not only in how H and I eat, but in how we take care of ourselves.
Acupuncture has been invaluable in regulating my cycles and quieting my mind and tummy and seeing a chiropractor has helped with my posture and neck and shoulder tension. H even sees someone in the acupuncture office ...no needles for him but he does take the Chinese herbs that the Dr. prescribes and it helps him tremendously.
I was always that girl that believed in loading up on NyQuil and Dayquil and resting as much as I could to get better. The older I get, the less this seems to help. Or maybe, it just takes longer to get over stuff as you age. Who knows?
I don't get sick often but when I do, it levels me. So, when my throat started to get sore yesterday morning and I sneezed a few more times than usual, I consulted my "Be healthy" board on Pinterest. I had pinned a bunch of home remedies when news of the flu outbreak hit the wires weeks ago. You know, just in case.
Here is what I came up with:
1. 1 tsp. of raw honey with 1/4 tsp. of cinnamon in the morning and
before bed.
2. 2 oz. of apple cider vinegar in 8 oz. of water (really gross )
3. Vicks vapor rub on my feet at night (with a pair of socks, of course)
4. Hot water with lemon....lots of lemon, throughout the day.
This is in addition to my usual cold care: hot steam vaporizer at night, Tylenol, neti pot and plenty of chicken soup and orange juice.
Whew! It's like a job getting all of this stuff together. I am on day 3 and I can't tell if it's working yet. I still have a wicked sinus headache...my face hurts and my teeth feel like they are going to fall out from the pressure but things do seem to be loosening up.
Thank goodness I have the weekend to ride it out. As it is, I had to take 2 sick days this week. That just means less time off when we finally take home our baby. Damn the flu.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
One more romantic Valentine's day
Let's hope anyway! Next year I want to be changing diapers and snuggling with my little one.
I'm looking forward to cupid onesies and fun Valentine's day Pinterest crafts.
We are not into romance in the true sense. We don't usually light candles or scatter rose petals (ever) H does not buy me flowers (I'd rather a new throw pillow or pair of boots, please) We treat each other with love, appreciation and kindness all days, not just February 14th. (Hell, yes we have fights and get annoyed with each other,too but it all comes back to love.)
We don't even usually go out to dinner on Valentine's Day. This year we did and I can only describe it as "ehhhh". I don't know if it was my mood due to losing a relative and attending the funeral earlier in the day or if it was the restaurant itself (normally a good meal) but I was not impressed with dining on a holiday.
I think from now on we'll stick to our old routine: celebrating on the weekend after the holiday.
I'm looking forward to cupid onesies and fun Valentine's day Pinterest crafts.
We are not into romance in the true sense. We don't usually light candles or scatter rose petals (ever) H does not buy me flowers (I'd rather a new throw pillow or pair of boots, please) We treat each other with love, appreciation and kindness all days, not just February 14th. (Hell, yes we have fights and get annoyed with each other,too but it all comes back to love.)
We don't even usually go out to dinner on Valentine's Day. This year we did and I can only describe it as "ehhhh". I don't know if it was my mood due to losing a relative and attending the funeral earlier in the day or if it was the restaurant itself (normally a good meal) but I was not impressed with dining on a holiday.
I think from now on we'll stick to our old routine: celebrating on the weekend after the holiday.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
A confrontation is a brewin"
I feel it. It is bubbling up inside of me and when I finally explode my Caseworker will not be happy. I am sure that I won't feel great either.
I try to walk a very fine line. I am not sure how much I can push at this agency. What if they decide they don't like something I have said and choose not to show our profile? Sure, it's unprofessional but they haven't shown me that I can count on them. If anything, the "service" we have received has been less than attentive. However, I will not put up with constant screw ups. So far, I have been quite gracious about it but I am growing tired of letting everything go.
I gave her a week. When I spoke to her on 2/1 I could have sworn she told me to let her know when we made appts. and then she would email me the forms that we needed. Well the appt. were made and I sent a sweet but firm email. I simply asked for the forms and stressed the fact that I don't want to miss any profiling opportunities because of missing ppwk. Can you blame me for all the times this woman has dropped the ball with us? I also reminded her very nicely about an answer she owed me as well. ("I think you were also supposed to get back to me about......")
She called me back immediately and she played it really passive aggressively. Overly sweet voice...thanking me for reminding her.....and she let me know she was reaching out because she did not want me to worry. She claims that she told me that she would get the info. to me with in a couple of weeks (What she actually said: "a couple of days" and more than a week had gone by.)There was a bit of snottiness to her voice. I certainly did nothing wrong. I could have. I let H read the email and he confirmed that it was professional and quite nice......nicer than she deserves according to him. She actually made me feel quite small for following up on her. By the end of the call, I was apologizing to her and she was patronizing. I wonder if someone reads her email? She always tells me how she prefers I reach out by telephone.
So how to I deal with her? When is it time to go over her head? Will that increase our wait time? As it is, when we spoke she promised me 2 different forms and she only sent 1 of the forms. I emailed her back saying that it wasn't attached. Hopefully, she won't be pissed about it.
This isn't even the complicated stuff. It's just bullshit paperwork. It doesn't involve other people. What happens if there is an issue with a potential match and I can't get in touch with her?
Right now, I am frustrated. I knew I would have moments where it would be like this but I feel like giving up some days. Why am I putting myself through this? I hope it will all be worth it. I'm tired of fighting my way to becoming a mom.
I try to walk a very fine line. I am not sure how much I can push at this agency. What if they decide they don't like something I have said and choose not to show our profile? Sure, it's unprofessional but they haven't shown me that I can count on them. If anything, the "service" we have received has been less than attentive. However, I will not put up with constant screw ups. So far, I have been quite gracious about it but I am growing tired of letting everything go.
I gave her a week. When I spoke to her on 2/1 I could have sworn she told me to let her know when we made appts. and then she would email me the forms that we needed. Well the appt. were made and I sent a sweet but firm email. I simply asked for the forms and stressed the fact that I don't want to miss any profiling opportunities because of missing ppwk. Can you blame me for all the times this woman has dropped the ball with us? I also reminded her very nicely about an answer she owed me as well. ("I think you were also supposed to get back to me about......")
She called me back immediately and she played it really passive aggressively. Overly sweet voice...thanking me for reminding her.....and she let me know she was reaching out because she did not want me to worry. She claims that she told me that she would get the info. to me with in a couple of weeks (What she actually said: "a couple of days" and more than a week had gone by.)There was a bit of snottiness to her voice. I certainly did nothing wrong. I could have. I let H read the email and he confirmed that it was professional and quite nice......nicer than she deserves according to him. She actually made me feel quite small for following up on her. By the end of the call, I was apologizing to her and she was patronizing. I wonder if someone reads her email? She always tells me how she prefers I reach out by telephone.
So how to I deal with her? When is it time to go over her head? Will that increase our wait time? As it is, when we spoke she promised me 2 different forms and she only sent 1 of the forms. I emailed her back saying that it wasn't attached. Hopefully, she won't be pissed about it.
This isn't even the complicated stuff. It's just bullshit paperwork. It doesn't involve other people. What happens if there is an issue with a potential match and I can't get in touch with her?
Right now, I am frustrated. I knew I would have moments where it would be like this but I feel like giving up some days. Why am I putting myself through this? I hope it will all be worth it. I'm tired of fighting my way to becoming a mom.
Friday, February 8, 2013
Maybe I should switch careers
I seem to be much better at being a Caseworker than my actual Caseworker.
I'm getting annoyed with my agency again. I spoke to my CW last Friday after leaving her a msg. 24+ hrs. prior. I called to discuss some upcoming deadlines and the msg. that I left her stated just that. In my industry, deadline means "hop the fuck to it" but she doesn't seem to have a sense of urgency.
She loves to start out with small talk and to ask what we've been up to while I want my questuions answered and to get off the phone. If she is so busy that she can't call me back or even check in with me, then she doesn't need to waste time bullshitting, right? The last time I spoke to her was 12/22 in regards to the profiling opportunity that we turned down. Not a word since. Until today when I called her. That's right. I called her.
I don't like the idea of her not being on top of our case. I'm sure she has a lot to do but I was led to believe when we signed with the agency that when we needed to provide them with updated paperwork we would be notified in plenty of time. Not the case. It's a good thing I don't trust people and that I am militant with my follow up skills.
See, it turns out that we need to provide an updated version of our criminal background form (just a bunch of addresses and how long we lived there) by March 6th. We also need to have physicals again by March 8th. It is very difficult for me to get an appt. with my Primary Care Dr. so we are already behind schedule. As it is, I had to beg my Dr. to squeeze me in on the 8th.....which is a Friday and 2 days before we leave for vacation. I'm sure the Dr. won't even have the paperwork finished.
It's now a week later. She promised me:
#1 to email the forms that we need to provide
#2 to check to see if they need another letter from my Therapist just like last year (who charges $125.00 for such a letter)
I have not heard from her.
The best news? If our paperwork is NOT in order, we do not get the chance to be profiled. I had to remind her of that. At the opening of the conversation, she told me that we didn't need to worry until June (when our HS needs to be updated and paid for again.) Now, it's not like we have had a lot of profiling opportunities in the past 7 months. (Um, ONE) We really can't afford to miss something that might come along because the agency dropped the ball.
So, I have to call her..... again. A week is enough time to give her a chance to do as she promised. Now, I also have to ask her how my Drs. appt. being late will impact our chances to be profiled. Just another complicated layer to the whole mess of dealing with this agency.
At this point, I am on the fence about contacting the agency owner. If I do that could she retaliate by not showing our profile if a case does come up?
I know that 7 months might not seem like a very long time to wait but I am starting to get a bit anxious about this process again. Not trusting the agency rep who is supposed to be guiding us through the process makes it all that much harder.
I'm getting annoyed with my agency again. I spoke to my CW last Friday after leaving her a msg. 24+ hrs. prior. I called to discuss some upcoming deadlines and the msg. that I left her stated just that. In my industry, deadline means "hop the fuck to it" but she doesn't seem to have a sense of urgency.
She loves to start out with small talk and to ask what we've been up to while I want my questuions answered and to get off the phone. If she is so busy that she can't call me back or even check in with me, then she doesn't need to waste time bullshitting, right? The last time I spoke to her was 12/22 in regards to the profiling opportunity that we turned down. Not a word since. Until today when I called her. That's right. I called her.
I don't like the idea of her not being on top of our case. I'm sure she has a lot to do but I was led to believe when we signed with the agency that when we needed to provide them with updated paperwork we would be notified in plenty of time. Not the case. It's a good thing I don't trust people and that I am militant with my follow up skills.
See, it turns out that we need to provide an updated version of our criminal background form (just a bunch of addresses and how long we lived there) by March 6th. We also need to have physicals again by March 8th. It is very difficult for me to get an appt. with my Primary Care Dr. so we are already behind schedule. As it is, I had to beg my Dr. to squeeze me in on the 8th.....which is a Friday and 2 days before we leave for vacation. I'm sure the Dr. won't even have the paperwork finished.
It's now a week later. She promised me:
#1 to email the forms that we need to provide
#2 to check to see if they need another letter from my Therapist just like last year (who charges $125.00 for such a letter)
I have not heard from her.
The best news? If our paperwork is NOT in order, we do not get the chance to be profiled. I had to remind her of that. At the opening of the conversation, she told me that we didn't need to worry until June (when our HS needs to be updated and paid for again.) Now, it's not like we have had a lot of profiling opportunities in the past 7 months. (Um, ONE) We really can't afford to miss something that might come along because the agency dropped the ball.
So, I have to call her..... again. A week is enough time to give her a chance to do as she promised. Now, I also have to ask her how my Drs. appt. being late will impact our chances to be profiled. Just another complicated layer to the whole mess of dealing with this agency.
At this point, I am on the fence about contacting the agency owner. If I do that could she retaliate by not showing our profile if a case does come up?
I know that 7 months might not seem like a very long time to wait but I am starting to get a bit anxious about this process again. Not trusting the agency rep who is supposed to be guiding us through the process makes it all that much harder.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
How to do superbowl right
We aren't really into watching sports. H is more of an active guy. He would rather be working on a car or tearing down a wall than sitting around watching sports. I am the girliest girl there is.....I never watched sports, never even bothered to learn the rules. Sometimes he will tune into a basketball game and he will usually want to watch the big stuff like superbowls and world series games.
However, he loves the idea of superbowl party food. Every year I make him a bunch of snack foods and he will watch the game. I'll sit next to him and read or play on my tab and look up when the commercials come on.
I was so proud of my healthy menu that I had to share.
Jalapeno popper dip with b low fat cream cheese, mayo, sour cream and panko breadcrumbs...I dipped with veggies, H used tortilla chips
Homeade chicken fingers dopped in ranch dressing, panko breadcrumbs and baked
Butternut squash fries (thank km you Hungry girl)
Zucchini "fries" (baked actually)
All served with various dipping sauces from hot sauce to honey mustard to ranch dressing.
Ok so it's not going to make us lose weight but I didn't gain a lb either. I bet most superbowl attendees can't say that! Won't I make a great mom?
However, he loves the idea of superbowl party food. Every year I make him a bunch of snack foods and he will watch the game. I'll sit next to him and read or play on my tab and look up when the commercials come on.
I was so proud of my healthy menu that I had to share.
Jalapeno popper dip with b low fat cream cheese, mayo, sour cream and panko breadcrumbs...I dipped with veggies, H used tortilla chips
Homeade chicken fingers dopped in ranch dressing, panko breadcrumbs and baked
Butternut squash fries (thank km you Hungry girl)
Zucchini "fries" (baked actually)
All served with various dipping sauces from hot sauce to honey mustard to ranch dressing.
Ok so it's not going to make us lose weight but I didn't gain a lb either. I bet most superbowl attendees can't say that! Won't I make a great mom?
Monday, January 28, 2013
Sometimes cheesy movies have a good message...
Notes from the Heart Healer starring Genie Francis and Ted Mcginley
This was one cheesy movie. It was made in 2011 and if you don't know who either of these actors are, I would not be surprised. When I was in HS (and I am middle aged) Genie Francis was on a soap and she was in her 30s then (at least). Ted Mcginley was on Happy Days....which was cancelled about 25 years ago or so. So this is not a young couple. As a matter of fact, makeup could not even hide the age lines. C'mon Lifetime/Hallmark, couldn't you cast someone a bit more believable, age wise? I know. Lifetime/Hallmark.......what do I expect?
Anyway, this "not young" couple had a baby land on their doorstep. The young teenage Mom was in some kind of trouble and just left the baby and ran. When the teenager came back for her baby, the wife got attached and decided she wanted to try for a baby. I dozed off because the movie wasn't very good so I am not sure if they wanted to adopt or if dhe was planning on getting pg. (Eggs are not like fine wine. Age=bad) The husband thought they were too old .(I agree with him...I am sure they are members of the AARP).
I did wake up just in time for the husbsnd to have a change of heart (which only meant that he agreed to pursue family building activities.... whatever they maybe) I figured if these old farts can decide to have a baby, H and I will be ok when we are finally matched. Just another confirmation that we must be on the right path. Unlike my IVF journey, something always happens to restore my faith when I waiver....be it a goofy movie or a call from the agency.
This was one cheesy movie. It was made in 2011 and if you don't know who either of these actors are, I would not be surprised. When I was in HS (and I am middle aged) Genie Francis was on a soap and she was in her 30s then (at least). Ted Mcginley was on Happy Days....which was cancelled about 25 years ago or so. So this is not a young couple. As a matter of fact, makeup could not even hide the age lines. C'mon Lifetime/Hallmark, couldn't you cast someone a bit more believable, age wise? I know. Lifetime/Hallmark.......what do I expect?
Anyway, this "not young" couple had a baby land on their doorstep. The young teenage Mom was in some kind of trouble and just left the baby and ran. When the teenager came back for her baby, the wife got attached and decided she wanted to try for a baby. I dozed off because the movie wasn't very good so I am not sure if they wanted to adopt or if dhe was planning on getting pg. (Eggs are not like fine wine. Age=bad) The husband thought they were too old .(I agree with him...I am sure they are members of the AARP).
I did wake up just in time for the husbsnd to have a change of heart (which only meant that he agreed to pursue family building activities.... whatever they maybe) I figured if these old farts can decide to have a baby, H and I will be ok when we are finally matched. Just another confirmation that we must be on the right path. Unlike my IVF journey, something always happens to restore my faith when I waiver....be it a goofy movie or a call from the agency.
Friday, January 25, 2013
How open is open?
The longer we wait, the more time I have to look into (and ok, obsess) about what our situation might look like. There is no way to tell what kind of placement call we will get but that doesn't stop my brain from running through all possible scenarios. Yep....madness.
A situation came up on an adoption message board that I frequent that I never would have thought about. The poster was an expectant mom (EM) who was not sure about wanting to make an adoption plan. She asked if any adoptive parents (APs) would be willing to have monthly visits with her. I was a bit taken aback by the fact that an adoption plan with that kind of parameters would even be a possibility. The EM said that she did not want her child to forget her. I can't possibly understand where she is coming from and I am sure it is quite painful for her but I can't imagine it is easy for most birth moms. Yet, people actually said that this type of arrangement does exist. In no way am I judging them. If it works for them I think it's great. I don't think I have a big enough heart for that type of thing.
H and I want an open adoption. We see it as being the best thing for the child and I love to make friends so I cannot imagine not treating a BM like a member of our family. We would be open to monthly photos and cards and 1-2 visits per year at 1st. Any changes to that agreement would absolutely depend on the relationship that develops.
However, once a month seems so excessive for everyone involved. Wouldn't the child be confused? We don't want to be taken advantage of and we certainly do not want any help in raising our child. (As it is, I am sure the grandparents will do their share of running interference.) Our lives are really busy now...without children. We already know we will have to make some minor adjustments to our schedules. Not to mention the fact that we only see my family (local) about once per month or so and H's family (far away) about twice per year. We just couldn't commit to that much.
I guess that's another thing to add to the prayer list.....a healthy relationship with the birth mom and/or dad.
A situation came up on an adoption message board that I frequent that I never would have thought about. The poster was an expectant mom (EM) who was not sure about wanting to make an adoption plan. She asked if any adoptive parents (APs) would be willing to have monthly visits with her. I was a bit taken aback by the fact that an adoption plan with that kind of parameters would even be a possibility. The EM said that she did not want her child to forget her. I can't possibly understand where she is coming from and I am sure it is quite painful for her but I can't imagine it is easy for most birth moms. Yet, people actually said that this type of arrangement does exist. In no way am I judging them. If it works for them I think it's great. I don't think I have a big enough heart for that type of thing.
H and I want an open adoption. We see it as being the best thing for the child and I love to make friends so I cannot imagine not treating a BM like a member of our family. We would be open to monthly photos and cards and 1-2 visits per year at 1st. Any changes to that agreement would absolutely depend on the relationship that develops.
However, once a month seems so excessive for everyone involved. Wouldn't the child be confused? We don't want to be taken advantage of and we certainly do not want any help in raising our child. (As it is, I am sure the grandparents will do their share of running interference.) Our lives are really busy now...without children. We already know we will have to make some minor adjustments to our schedules. Not to mention the fact that we only see my family (local) about once per month or so and H's family (far away) about twice per year. We just couldn't commit to that much.
I guess that's another thing to add to the prayer list.....a healthy relationship with the birth mom and/or dad.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Are we doing the right thing?
Life is going on all around me...pg friends are getting closer to their due dates, we booked our annual spring vaca and I am back into my workout schedule full swing ( my poor little wing that I injured by falling in the bathtub while trying to clean is much better thanks to the Chiropractor ).
We are trying to keep busy. We are going to parties and having dinner nights with friends. Despite the sub zero temps we have been quite social. H is working on the "nursery" and I am immersing myself in researching baby gear. Somehow, I don't feel the pressure I did a few months ago. I think a part of me thinks this is not going to happen. One day I feel glad that we have this time to really prepare (and save some money) and the next day I feel like it is taking sooooooooo loooooooong. I am afraid the longer it takes....the more difficult it will be for us to adjust. Let's be honest....we are NOT getting younger. Sleepless nights and countless diaper changes are on the way......what if it takes another year....or longer?! Most friends our age have kids in school. Some days I wonder if we are meant to be child free.
We are trying to keep busy. We are going to parties and having dinner nights with friends. Despite the sub zero temps we have been quite social. H is working on the "nursery" and I am immersing myself in researching baby gear. Somehow, I don't feel the pressure I did a few months ago. I think a part of me thinks this is not going to happen. One day I feel glad that we have this time to really prepare (and save some money) and the next day I feel like it is taking sooooooooo loooooooong. I am afraid the longer it takes....the more difficult it will be for us to adjust. Let's be honest....we are NOT getting younger. Sleepless nights and countless diaper changes are on the way......what if it takes another year....or longer?! Most friends our age have kids in school. Some days I wonder if we are meant to be child free.
Friday, January 11, 2013
13 again...
I received an email from my agency yesterday regarding an event they are holding at their brand new location. The date of the event is 3/13/13 and will commemorate their 13th anniversary. I seriously cannot get away from this number. Perhaps it needs to replace 7 as my lucky number. Just further evidence (in my bizarre, needing-an-answer-for-everything mind) that this is "our year". The year for us to see all of our dreams of the past few years coming true.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Happiness found on the calendar
Today, I finally got around to organizing my 2013 calendar. This is one of my favorite January tasks (some of my least favorite tasks include cleaning out the fridge and freezer and reorganizing the pantry) As I filled in our important dates, I discovered something that fills me with hope.
In June, H will turn 40. (He has already admitted to having a bit of a mid life crisis...he is talking about tattoos and he just bought a sports car.) His birthday always falls around father's day....something he never fails to complain about. It has been particularly hard for him since we started going through the infertility treatments. The year that I lost the baby 3 days before mother's day was probably the worst.
This year, I noticed that his birthday is actually ON father's day. I can't help but think that it is some kind of sign. A 40th birthday on father's day without being a father when you want it so bad would be too cruel....especially after all that has already been taken from us. In my heart I just know that we are bound to hear something by then!
In June, H will turn 40. (He has already admitted to having a bit of a mid life crisis...he is talking about tattoos and he just bought a sports car.) His birthday always falls around father's day....something he never fails to complain about. It has been particularly hard for him since we started going through the infertility treatments. The year that I lost the baby 3 days before mother's day was probably the worst.
This year, I noticed that his birthday is actually ON father's day. I can't help but think that it is some kind of sign. A 40th birthday on father's day without being a father when you want it so bad would be too cruel....especially after all that has already been taken from us. In my heart I just know that we are bound to hear something by then!
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